G&S
by CeliaEquus
Summary: The long-awaited musical fic. Gryffindor and Slytherin used to write operettas, but split up in a dispute over carpet. Now, Hogwarts will be performing one of their shows. And you can join the fun! Pairings added now. Also see "Stay Your Hand!"
1. The Truth

"The Truth"

Goodness knows why Dumbledore chose today, of all days, to reveal the truth of the argument between Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin. It was the nine-month anniversary of Voldemort's defeat. If The Truth had been revealed in the forties, then the two wizarding wars need never have happened. But no one ever thinks of these things, do they?

You looked up, surprised, when the headmaster signalled for quiet. So did everyone else, and there was immediate quiet.

"The nature of the argument between Gryffindor and Slytherin must now be told," Dumbledore said, and everyone looked at each other. You could see Hermione Granger's eyes bulge out of her head. Clearly, she thought that something was about to be said that would contradict _Hogwarts, a History_. "Now, much has been lost in translation; it wasn't until the beginning of the century that the truth was discovered, and nothing could be done about it. In faith, it wasn't over _blood_ that they argued. It was over blood-_red_ carpet, which was to go in the Great Hall… er, here."

Murmurs broke out around the hall. Two of the four great founders of Hogwarts had split up over _carpet_?

"Yes," Dumbledore continued, nodding seriously. Granger looked ready to faint. "The carpet was supposed to be an extra… indulgence, if you will. You see, this hall was for the operettas to be performed; the operettas that Gryffindor and Slytherin wrote together. Slytherin argued that the carpet would dim the sound too much, with the rest of the hall being made of stone. He didn't want his music to be affected by magic, either, as it was suggested that they change the acoustics using charms. He was dead against this."

"I didn't read about that in _Hogwarts, a History_," Hermione said out loud. She sank down in her seat when everyone looked at her, and the headmaster chuckled, twinkling.

"As a celebration of Voldemort's downfall in three months' time, we'll be performing one of the operettas, as it will also promote house unity," Dumbledore continued. "Every student is free to audition, and sign up for crew. You may choose a song from any of the musicals they wrote. The lists are up in each of the common rooms. Now, scoot!"

You were one of the first students to stand, and moved behind your fellow students as they made their way upstairs. The Gryffindor and Slytherin musicals were rarely performed, partly because of the house divide. You found it absolutely fascinating that it was an argument over furnishings that created the rift between the two male founders.

Many students were crowded in front of the list, signing up. You approached the parchment after they had all moved away, and saw different names scrawled up there. Well, you didn't fancy the thought of being onstage. Perhaps a backstage role?

Yes! you thought. I know what I'll volunteer for. You pulled out your wand, and tapped it on the list, and your name appeared beside 'Stage Manager'. Now you could boss everyone else around. You couldn't _wait _for this afternoon, to see what would happen!

A few minutes later, the other students were still discussing things. Some were already warming up their voices. An owl tapped at the window. Seeing that everyone else was occupied, you opened the window. It was a letter for you, from the headmaster.

He had accepted it! You were now, officially, the stage manager of Hogwarts' first musical. You were invited to the auditions, and would be trained in your role of SM by… Professor Snape. Oh dear.

You gulped, but bravely folded the parchment, and shoved it into your pocket. Now you had to prepare for the auditions, and went to the headmaster's office. He had some last-minute tips, and wanted to describe the audition process to you so that you'd be prepared.

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Should I have the character (you) talking with Professor Dumbledore, or should we just skip to the audition process? I suddenly decided to write this in second person point-of-view, and in past tense. Usually, second person is in present tense, but I can't stand present tense. However, if you want me to rewrite this in present tense before continuing, let me know so that I can write the next chapter in the same style, or in third-person, and make up a new character as the SM.


	2. The First Auditions

"The First Auditions"

_He had accepted it! You were now, officially, the stage manager of Hogwarts' first musical. You were invited to the auditions, and would be trained in your role of SM by… Professor Snape. Oh dear._

_You gulped, but bravely folded the parchment, and shoved it into your pocket. Now you had to prepare for the auditions, and went to the headmaster's office. He had some last-minute tips, and wanted to describe the audition process to you so that you'd be prepared._

The Hufflepuffs were notoriously the most musical students in Hogwarts, so they insisted on going last. You weren't sure why this was; this whole music business thing was new to you, after all. When you asked Professor Snape about it, he snorted, rolled his eyes, and then answered with a sneer.

"They're hoping to win favour by giving us something that's guaranteed to be good at the end of the audition process," he explained. You nodded, but he didn't say anything else. Instead, he looked at Dumbledore.

Ravenclaws, definitely not a musical house, were the first group to audition. Only three of them were trying out for the chorus, and two for leading roles.

You sat back as the five students were ushered in by Professor Flitwick. He popped out of the room again, leaving them to walk up to the judges' table. In the middle, sitting in his usual place, Dumbledore—as producer—was in charge. To his right sat Professor McGonagall, who was the musical director; on his left was Professor Snape. He, to your horror and consternation, was going to be directing.

Everyone looked at you. That's right! You had to ask the questions.

"Name?" you asked each student. The two trying out for the leads were Luna Lovegood and Petrie Barkus; the three going to the chorus were Padma Patil, Julius Urn, and Derek Diggle. "Right. Chorus wait at the back of the hall. You two, warm up in the room behind the staff table."

Next, Gryffindors. Five going for leads; only two for the chorus.

"Gryffindor show-offs; can't stand to be in the background," Professor Snape muttered. You tactfully didn't say anything.

The Slytherins had six trying out for leads, and five for the chorus roles.

Last of all, the Hufflepuffs had eleven auditioning for leading roles, and fifteen going for the chorus.

"None of the teachers are auditioning?" you remarked blithely over the sounds of the chorus chattering at one end of the hall, and the other auditionees in the room behind you. Everyone in the room looked at you, falling silent, and you shrank back in your seat. You cleared your throat, and shuffled your papers. "Right!" you barked, making everyone except Professor Snape jump. "Chorus first!"

They gave a rousing rendition of "Let's Give Three Cheers for the Wizard's Bride" from _HMS Cloak_, a musical about class station and baby-switching. Since all twenty-five were needed, and since they didn't sound too bad when they all sang together, Professor Dumbledore approved, and you sent them back out into the Entrance Hall.

Next, the two Ravenclaws were fetched from the back room by Mr. Filch. They had decided to save time by singing a duet, and did "Prithy, Pithy Sorce'ress" from _Bloodigore_, which was about poltergeists, portraits, and the trouble they caused pureblood families.

"Well done!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "We'll owl you."

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I feel bad that it's taken me so long to write the second chapter. I hope this is okay. I've yet to cast anyone, let alone come up with the names of all the people from the other three houses who are auditioning. It's also a matter of coming up with titles for songs. As to the ones that I used… here are their correct names:

"**Let's Give Three Cheers for the Sailor's Bride" from **_**HMS Pinafore**_**;**

**and "Prithy, Pretty Maiden" from **_**Ruddigore**_**. The plots are close enough. Google them if you don't believe me.**

**Dumbledore's comment comes from the usual 'We'll call you' line. Funny? Or not?**


	3. The Rest of the Auditions

"The Rest of the Auditions"

_They gave a rousing rendition of "Let's Give Three Cheers for the Wizard's Bride" from HMS Cloak, a musical about class station and baby-switching. Since all twenty-five were needed, and since they didn't sound too bad when they all sang together, Professor Dumbledore approved, and you sent them back out into the Entrance Hall._

_Next, the two Ravenclaws were fetched from the back room by Mr. Filch. They had decided to save time by singing a duet, and did "Prithy, Pithy Sorce'ress" from Bloodigore, which was about poltergeists, portraits, and the trouble they caused pureblood families._

"_Well done!" Dumbledore said cheerfully. "We'll owl you."_

Next to audition were the five Gryffindors. While there was no need to ask for names, you asked for them anyway. Harry Potter was trying out for the part of the lead tenor, Dennis Creevey for tenor as well, and Neville Longbottom had somehow summoned the courage to go for bass or baritone. Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley were both auditioning as well. The five of them had decided to sing the quintet from the second act of _Princess Spider_. No wonder Ron Weasley wasn't auditioning. You sniggered at the thought, prompting strange looks from everyone.

"Let's continue," Professor Snape said, and he raised a consulting eyebrow at the headmaster, who nodded in agreement. Miss Granger began.

"_The spider of the widest pinch_

_May sometimes be mistaken-oh_…"

Well, you didn't think that much of the singing, though Longbottom had some potential. Even if he didn't get any solo singing, you thought he wasn't too bad. Professor McGonagall was very clearly surprised, and asked for him to sing a solo so that they could hear him properly, while Professor Snape sent the rest of the Gryffindor auditionees out of the Great Hall with a scathing remark.

You were wrong. Neville Longbottom didn't just have potential. He had a _voice_!

"Then I guess I'll sing the guard's song from _Iolanthe_, or _The Seer and the Fairy_," he had said shyly, before starting to sing the song a capella.

"_When all night long a wizard stays_

_On guard, he wants to make a lot of tea_…"

"Well done!" Dumbledore cheered encouragingly. Neville blushed, and left the room, sending in the Slytherin lead auditionees next. Professor Snape sat up straighter, and you wondered if he was planning to play favourites. Not that it particularly mattered to you. (Not at the moment, anyway.)

Draco Malfoy—of course—was auditioning. So were Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Gregory Goyle, Freda Yaxley, and Kaela Nott. Parkinson, Goyle, and Zabini also saved time by doing a group number, another song from _HMS Cloak_. This trio was from the second act, and was called "Never Find the Why and Wherefore". They sung it quite well, and their head of house applauded them. You did the sensible thing, and clapped along with him, determined to maintain a good relationship with your 'boss'. Well, one of your bosses. The scariest one, as far as you were concerned.

Yaxley and Nott sang a duet from _Impatiens_, called "Long years ago", and you were impressed with Nott's voice in particular. She certainly surpassed Ginny Weasley when it came to singing mezzo-soprano. _Impatiens_ was about a flower girl, and was actually the inspiration for Shaw's _Pygmalion_, you were surprised to learn.

Lastly, Malfoy sang "Thou hast the pow'r thy jilted love" from _The Sorcerer_. He was absolutely abysmal, and spoilt a perfectly good song. Professor Snape winced a few times, and it was clear that his precious godson couldn't be cast. Dumbledore dismissed the blonde former ferret, who slunk out of the room.

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I'm sorry for my mistake in the previous chapter! "Prithy, Pretty Maiden" isn't from _**Ruddigore**_**, but from **_**Patience**_**. So it wasn't **_**Bloodigore**_** at all.**

**In this chapter, I've got:**

"**The woman of the wisest wit" from **_**Princess Ida**_

"**When all night long a chap remains" from **_**Iolanthe**_** (so the same name) or **_**The Peer and the Peri**_

"**Never Mind the Why and Wherefore" from **_**HMS Pinafore**_**, "Long years ago" from **_**Patience**_

"**Thou hast the pow'r thy vaunted love" from **_**The Sorcerer**_** (again, the same name)**

**Next chapter, the Hufflepuffs audition, and then casting.**


	4. The Hufflepuffs, and Casting

"The Hufflepuffs, and Casting"

_Yaxley and Nott sang a duet from Impatiens, called "Long years ago", and you were impressed with Nott's voice in particular. She certainly surpassed Ginny Weasley when it came to singing mezzo-soprano. Impatiens was about a flower girl, and was actually the inspiration for Shaw's Pygmalion, you were surprised to learn._

_Lastly, Malfoy sang "Thou hast the pow'r thy jilted love" from The Sorcerer. He was absolutely abysmal, and spoilt a perfectly good song. Professor Snape winced a few times, and it was clear that his precious godson couldn't be cast. Dumbledore dismissed the blonde former ferret, who slunk out of the room._

Last were the Hufflepuffs, for which everyone was heartily grateful.

"We're in for a treat now," Professor McGonagall said, and you heartily agreed.

The males trying out were Owen Cauldwell, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Anthony Rickett, and Jack Stebbins. The girls who were auditioning were Leanne Smith, Megan Jones, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, Catriona Fleet, Rose Zeller, and Louise Herring. While none of them were shy—or modest—enough to need to rely on singing in groups, they did it anyway, partly to save time, and partly to show how well they could sing with each other. Obviously, they didn't wish to be split up, and you snorted. Somehow, you felt that even the polite Hufflepuffs could backstab people from other houses if it meant that they could take over the entire show.

Cauldwell, Jones, Zeller, and Finch-Fletchley sang "Then one of us will be a mage" from _The Broomstick Flyers_, and you admitted that they were, indeed, talented. The chorus gave them a round of applause, and they gave a showy bow. Next, Rickett and Stebbins sang "Hereupon we are both peeved"—temporarily disrupted by Peeves, who wished to join in on 'his' song—from _Aurors of the Guard_. Aside from the interruption, they were still applauded.

Only five were left to audition. Fleet sang "The sun whose blaze" from _The Mugwump_, and did very well. Smith and Bones performed "Now wouldn't you like to spin the web" from _Princess Spider_, garnering a terrific response. After all the other auditions, the Hufflepuffs certainly were making good, and you found that you were enjoying yourself.

Abbott and Herring finished with "When he appears" from _The Sorcerer_ and "My lord, an applicant for your fleet" from _Iolanthe_ respectively.

"Enough!" you moaned when all the other students, including the chorus, had left the room. Your head hit the table with a thump. "Ugh. Do I have to help choose?"

"Yes," Professor Dumbledore replied sternly.

Brilliant, you thought, drawing your quill, ink, and a piece of parchment close.

And so it began.

As Stage Manager, you found that, without a crew (yet), you were the one who had to post the cast lists in each of the common rooms. Two good things came out of this: one, the parchments had been spelled so that the cast list would only appear once you were out of the room, and therefore safe from hexes; and two, you were given the passwords to the other three houses so that you could enter.

"You'll be responsible for appointing a backstage crew," Professor Snape reminded you as you left the room. You turned, nodded, and thanked him.

Safely ensconced in your dormitory, you finally had a chance to look over your own copy of the cast list, wondering over the reactions of all the other students when they finally saw who was playing which character.

CAST LIST FOR _THE HARPIES OF HOGSMEADE_

Mage-or-Sorcerer Stanthorpe………………………………..Blaise Zabini

Helga, the Harpy Queen……………………………………..Luna Lovegood

Samantha, her assistant harpy………………………………..Megan Jones

Ferdinand, a harpy apprentice……………………………….Owen Cauldwell

Chief Auror………………………………………………….Neville Longbottom

Maybelle, one of Stanthorpe's wards……………………….Hermione Granger

Esther, same as above……………………………………….Kaela Nott

Katrina, same as above……………………………………...Susan Bones

Rowena, the nursemaid……………………………………...Leanne Smith

Understudies: Petrie Barkus, Pansy Parkinson, Louise Herring, Harry Potter, Gregory Goyle, Rose Zeller, Ginny Weasley, Catriona Fleet, and Freda Yaxley.

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I wrote down the names of the characters in the order in which they appear on the Wikipedia page for _**The Pirates of Penzance**_**. You'll see more on the plot of **_**The Harpies of Hogsmeade**_** in upcoming chapters. See you there!**

**Songs in these chapters:**

"**Then one of us will be a queen" from **_**The Gondoliers**_**,**

"**Hereupon we're both agreed" from **_**Yeomen of the Guard**_**,**

"**The sun whose rays" from **_**The Mikado**_**,**

"**Now wouldn't you like to rule the roast" from **_**Princess Ida**_**,**

"**When he is near" from **_**The Sorcerer**_**, AND**

"**My lord, a suppliant at your feet" from **_**Iolanthe**_**.**

**Next chapter: the first rehearsal! **


	5. The First Rehearsal

"The First Rehearsal"

_CAST LIST FOR THE HARPIES OF HOGSMEADE_

_Mage-or-Sorcerer Stanthorpe………………………………..Blaise Zabini_

_Helga, the Harpy Queen……………………………………..Luna Lovegood_

_Samantha, her assistant harpy………………………………..Megan Jones_

_Ferdinand, a harpy apprentice……………………………….Owen Cauldwell _

_Chief Auror………………………………………………….Neville Longbottom_

_Maybelle, one of Stanthorpe's wards……………………….Hermione Granger _

_Esther, same as above……………………………………….Kaela Nott_

_Katrina, same as above……………………………………...Susan Bones_

_Rowena, the nursemaid……………………………………...Leanne Smith_

_Understudies: Petrie Barkus, Pansy Parkinson, Louise Herring, Harry Potter, Gregory Goyle, Rose Zeller, Ginny Weasley, Catriona Fleet, and Freda Yaxley._

Professor McGonagall was sitting at a piano in the Transfiguration classroom. Professor Snape had conceded that it was the best room for the rehearsals—you had been sworn to secrecy about his concession—and was now scowling at the students seated in front of him. They were on the floor, cross-legged, the desks and chairs having been cleared to the sides of the room.

"I will assume that none of you are cultured enough to know the plot of _The Harpies of Hogsmeade_," he drawled, his arms crossed as he scanned the body language of each student. Even though you weren't in his line of vision, you still squirmed in your chair. "Professor McGonagall will then play the overture for you so that you will get some idea of the music. You have managed to pass through the obstacle of auditions. However," and here he began to walk amongst the cast, deliberately looming over them, "you have yet to be under my artistic direction. And that," he smirked, "will be an ongoing obstacle that I doubt any of you will overcome as well as you might think."

He returned to the front of the room, and turned swiftly. "Your stage manager," he jerked his head to you, and you leapt to your feet hastily, "will be in charge of you once rehearsals are over. Professor McGonagall… sit down," he snapped at you, and you plonked back onto your chair. "Professor McGonagall is your musical director. It should be clear even to the most dunderheaded of you what her role entails."

"Thank you, Professor Snape," Professor McGonagall said wryly. "Now may we get on?"

"Indeed," he said, sneering again. "Your scripts and scores," he said, flicking his wand at the two piles of bound papers, which flew to the cast members, one of each landing in their laps. "I will explain the plot to save time.

"In _Harpies_, the apprentice is Ferdinand, who was brought to Hogsmeade to be a harpy by Rowena, his nursemaid. She brought him by mistake, as she misheard his instructions regarding his son's future. Fearing revenge, she joined the Harpy Queen to stay with her charge. Rowena falls in love with him, and when the end of his apprenticeship arrives, she wants to go with him while he goes off to explore the world. Ferdinand's main interest now, however, is to find a young woman to wed, though he is very materialistic in his views of the perfect witch.

"He casts off Rowena as soon as he sees his first young witches, and then meets them. They are all the wards of Stanthorpe, who is unsure whether he is a mage or a sorcerer, and often ponders this dilemma. Ferdinand asks if one of the witches will marry him, but his manner of asking them causes them to reject him. Maybelle, the last ward, catches up with her 'sisters', and she and Ferdinand fall in love with each other at first sight." The professor looked disgusted, but continued. "While they're off getting to know each other, the harpies try to kidnap the women, and are interrupted when Maybelle and Ferdinand return. She tells them about their 'father', who then appears.

"The harpies want to carry him away, to make use of his magic for their own purposes. However, through a lie, Stanthorpe is able to secure their promise not to take him, and they even make him an honorary harpy. So ends act one. Any questions?" He didn't even wait for anyone to raise their hands. "Good. I'll continue.

"Stanthorpe is suffering insomnia from his lie, even though he only did it to be able to protect his wards. He tells Ferdinand about the a lie, but he swears to keep the secret for Maybelle's sake. He has already roped together a number of Aurors to catch and imprison the harpies, lead by the Chief Auror.

"Helga, the harpy queen, and Rowena, now a harpy as well, come and tell Ferdinand that he was born on the last day of winter in what we now call a leap year. In other words, the twenty-ninth of February. As this only occurs every four years, he is instead _officially_ five years old, even though he has lived for twenty-one years. Therefore, his apprenticeship is still valid, and he must be loyal to them. Therefore, out of duty to the harpies, he tells them that Stanthorpe lied, and they vow their revenge.

"Ferdinand tells Maybelle, who then rallies the Aurors. Eventually, there's the inevitable duel between the harpies and the Aurors, and the harpies triumph. But, invoking the name of Merlin, the Aurors convince the harpies to surrender. Rowena reveals that the harpies are actually cursed witches, and once the curse is lifted, everyone is happy once again." He rolled his eyes. "Now Professor McGonagall will play the overture for you." He sat down beside you, and the music began.

After more 'house-keeping', and a cold reading of the script, everyone was dismissed, leaving you and the two professors to arrange the next rehearsal. The cast had been told to learn their lines by then.

"We'll give them a week," Professor Snape decided. Personally, you thought that was being optimistic, but didn't dare venture to say so.

This was going to be interesting.

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Ha! Any Gilbert and Sullivan fans out there? If so, what do you think of the operetta's plot? Yes, I'll be using parts of the original script, only with appropriate changes to suit the 'new' story, and the same with the songs.

**Read and review!**


	6. The Intermission: An Authorial Prank

"The Intermission: An Authorial Prank"

**Ha! And you thought that this was a chapter…**

**I feel the need to gives a written lecture. If you don't need an education in the world of the theatre, please ignore the following paragraphs, and I'll tell you when you can resume reading.**

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The director tells the actors what to do, gives them stage directions—i.e. where to go on the stage—and helps them perfect their roles. The musical director practises the music with the cast, directs the chorus in their singing, and leads the vocal warm-ups. The stage manager is in charge of the crew, and the cast as well once dress rehearsals begin. They look after pretty much everything, giving their own directions backstage. The producer finances the show, assists in casting, and gets a certain percentage of the show's profits.

Under them are the cast and crew. The cast consists of the leads, the principles, and the chorus. In singing, the girls are soprano (highest), mezzo-soprano, and alto (lowest). The boys are tenor (highest), baritone, and bass (lowest). There are other ranges, but these are the main ones, and most relevant to this story. In Gilbert and Sullivan (or, indeed, Gryffindor and Slytherin), there's also the comic baritone. In _The Harpies of Hogsmeade_, this is Mage-or-Sorcerer Stanthorpe.

The crew members serve different functions. There are the people who help before the show, those during the show, and even those after. You've got the set designers, costume designers, and prop designers. Since this is an amateur production, fewer roles will need to be filled. For example, the cast can get into their costumes by themselves, and do their own make-up. They're more likely to need help if it's an opera or a Shakespearean play, or if it's any kind of professional production.

Backstage crew consists of those who look after the props, someone who prompts the actors if they forget their lines—although those people generally have a prompt box, at least in professional theatre—the lighting operator, the sound operator, and those who move the set pieces. Other roles can be filled, but things will obviously be different at Hogwarts.

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You can start reading again!

**How about a taste of what's coming up?**

**We'll have the second rehearsal in the next chapter. But, before I can start writing that, I want your suggestions as to pairings, so I can begin hinting. You see, chapter nine will involve scandals, and I was thinking of putting together some of the characters, like Hermione and Professor Snape—you know, leading lady and the director having a secret relationship or the like—or even some love triangles. Tell me what you want, peoples!**

**And, uh… enjoy!**

***Clears throat ashamedly***

**After all, between the first act and second act is an intermission. So why not between the first rehearsal and second rehearsal? Indeed.**


	7. The Second Rehearsal

"The Second Rehearsal"

"Right!" Professor Snape bellowed, and everyone shut up. You were poised once again, ready to take notes for this, the second rehearsal. The director glared at everyone, making sure that fear radiated from them, and then continued. "We will be starting from the top. Have you all memorised your dialogue?" There were nods from everyone. "That had better be the case, otherwise there will be detentions. Harpy chorus, come up here. You two, Miss Jones, Miss Lovegood, Mr. Cauldwell, Miss Smith. Scores out. Get used to performing in front of an audience."

He sneered as he left the stage, and nodded at Professor McGonagall. You weren't needed to turn the pages of her score, as Professor Flitwick had already cast a charm for the music to turn when required. She started with the overture, and then gave the chorus their cue.

"_Pour, oh pour_…"

"Stop!" she shouted. "You're not together." She met your eyes. "Will you keep them in time?"

"Okay," you said nervously, and you cracked open your score to the right place, glancing at Professor Snape. He nodded, and you waited. Professor McGonagall tapped out the beat, and you kept it going. Once again, the chorus started.

"_Pour, oh pour the Firewhiskey,_

"_Fill, oh fill_…"

"In tune, if you please!" Professor McGonagall called, and they ground to a halt. She sighed, rolling her eyes, and Professor grunted in dissatisfaction from his position at the back of the room. He walked over and sat beside you as she was speaking. "Don't listen to each other for the time being. Listen to the _piano_. Again!"

"_Pour, oh pour the Firewhiskey,_

"_Fill, oh fill the harpy glass_!…"

The first solo singing was the role of Samantha, being played by Megan Jones, and understudied by Louise Herring. Professor Snape stood after the first number was finished, obviously eager—if that word could even be applied to him—to take over the direction again. You perched your Self-Inking quill at the ready, hovering over your copy of the script, ready to take down whatever stage directions he gave.

"Miss Lovegood," he bellowed. She stepped forward. "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, Professor," she said, snapping out of her usual dreamy expression.

"Hmm." Clearly, he didn't believe her. "Very well. Chorus, back off, and let the four principles in this scene have their moments." He sneered again. "Miss Smith, over in that corner; listen for your cue. Are you waiting for an invitation, girl? Go!" Leanne scuttled over to stand by the chorus. "Remember that, Miss Yaxley. The understudies will start learning in the fifth rehearsal, so you must all be prepared. Mr. Cauldwell, don't look so nervous. You may be the only male onstage, but this is no reason for you to be scared. Even though they are," his eyes flitted to the chorus, "harpies."

You sniggered at the outraged looks adorning the faces of the chorus girls. You began to worry for Professor Snape's safety, and wondered at the wisdom of having him as the director. He cleared his throat just then, and you glanced up to meet his eyes. He raised an eyebrow, and you hurriedly noted down Leanne's position on the stage. The professor nodded in _almost_ approval, and you swore to pay more attention from then on.

"Cue, Miss Lovegood," he said. She cleared her throat, and spoke.

"_Yes, Ferdinand, from to-day you rank as a member of our_…"

"No!" he barked, and she stopped. "'Full-blown member'. Begin again."

"Who does he think he is?" some idiot muttered behind you. It was Petrie Barkus, the other Ravenclaw, and understudy for Blaise Zabini's role.

"He's the director!" you hissed back.

"_Yes, Ferdinand_," Luna continued loudly, "_from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band_."

"_Hurrah_!" cried the harpy chorus.

"_My friends_," Owen, as Ferdinand, said, "_I thank you all, from the bottom of my_…"

"Just from your heart, Mr. Cauldwell!" Professor Snape interrupted, clenching his fists. He wasn't even referring to a script, and you realised that he had the entire thing memorised. It seemed he was the only one who _did_ know the operetta by heart. "From the beginning."

"_Yes, Ferdinand, from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band_."

"_Hurrah_!"

"_My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your kind wish_…"

"'Kindly', Mr. Cauldwell! _Again_!"

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I based the latter part of this rehearsal on one of the scenes in _**Topsy-Turvy**_**, which starred, among other people, Jim Broadbent (Professor Slughorn), Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew), and Shirley Henderson (Moaning Myrtle). Gilbert kept insisting that they repeat from the beginning of the scene, instead of just fixing individual lines as they went. I wonder if Godric Gryffindor behaved like this when the original cast would have practised **_**The Harpies of Hogsmeade**_**?**

**And now the Head of Slytherin is doing the same thing, and the Head of Gryffindor is doing what Salazar Slytherin, the original musical director, would have done.**

**Fascinating.**

**Review, please!**


	8. The SM Learns

"The SM Learns"

"_My friends," Owen, as Ferdinand, said, "I thank you all, from the bottom of my…"_

"_Just from your heart, Mr. Cauldwell!" Professor Snape interrupted, clenching his fists. He wasn't even referring to a script, and you realised that he had the entire thing memorised. It seemed he was the only one who did know the operetta by heart. "From the beginning."_

"_Yes, Ferdinand, from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band."_

"_Hurrah!"_

"_My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your kind wish…"_

"'_Kindly', Mr. Cauldwell! Again!"_

You sat opposite Professor Snape as he checked your copy of the script, word for word, note for note, letter for letter. Finally, he shut it with a slam, and shoved it across his desk to you; whereupon you picked it up and raised an eyebrow.

"Well?" you asked. "Is it all right?"

"Fortunately," he said, and you almost relaxed, "you are the only one who needs to be able to read your writing. Unless, of course, something happens to you. Have you assigned an assistant stage manager yet? Or any crew at all?"

"Uh… I was going to start recruiting… uh, that is, assembling… over the weekend…"

"By which time we'll have had another rehearsal," he said, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You have been given a position of responsibility, and we all expect you to take that responsibility seriously."

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir."

"Sycophant," he said, sneering, and you felt like sinking back into your chair. Not that it was your chair. It was the professor's chair. But it was where you were seated, cowering before the director of Hogwarts' production of _The Harpies of Hogsmeade_, your boss. "Your notes are acceptable, from what I can read of them." Again, that sneer. "However, _by_ this weekend, _not_ after it, I expect a fully-cast crew, both backstage and elsewhere, for the show. Understand?"

"Y-yes, Professor Snape."

"Good. Now get out. I'm expecting someone."

You didn't need to be asked twice. You bolted from the seat and out the door, nearly running over Hermione Granger. It looked like she was going to see the professor about something, and you hoped for her sake that he didn't step on those painful-looking high heels she was wearing. They matched the… rather short… dress that she was wearing.

Why on earth was the swotty bookworm dressed in something like that? With no book bag in sight, let alone a script?

Rounding the corner, deep in thought, you ran into a solid mass, in the form of renowned prison escapee, Sirius Black. He was frowning after the female lead, and barely noticed you as you greeted him. Maybe he could be assistant SM? No. He wouldn't take kindly to orders from a school student.

Instead, you ran to your dormitory, threw yourself onto your bed, and began working out the crew members you would need to enlist, bearing in mind that these people would have to be competent, and ready to take orders. Maybe you could even assign someone especially to fetch you coffee and sandwiches? What were those people called? Beavers? Badgers? Aha! Gophers. Maybe you could get a gopher for yourself, and perhaps one each for the director and musical director? It was worth a thought. So you wrote down the following.

Crew needed:

_Assistant stage manager_

_Costume designer/s_

_Set designer_

_Lighting and sound designers and operators_

_Props master/s_

_Set builders/s_

_Gopher/s_

_General backstage crew_

There! you decided, throwing down your quill. That was it. Now all you needed was to assign people for these roles, and you'd start by making an announcement at dinner.

Little did you know what the coming weeks would bring…

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Okay, so I've had ONE reader—count it, ONE—get back to me with ideas for pairings. Thank you, alannalove1990. `Tis most kind of you. For those who haven't read the reviews, here are the three suggested 'pairings' for this story:

**Draco and Harry**

**Blaise and Luna**

**Hermione, Professor Snape, and Sirius**

**I look forward to working with these couples (and love triangle). I've already got ideas, and I'm going to try to make this as showbiz in its scandals as possible, bearing in mind the rating. I've clearly had to change if we're to have any spice.**

***Grins***

**Read and review, please!**


	9. The Scandals and Outrages

"The Scandals and Outrages"

_Crew needed:_

_Assistant stage manager_

_Costume designer/s_

_Set designer_

_Lighting and sound designers and operators_

_Props master/s_

_Set builders/s_

_Gopher/s_

_General backstage crew_

_There! you decided, throwing down your quill. That was it. Now all you needed was to assign people for these roles, and you'd start by making an announcement at dinner._

_Little did you know what the coming weeks would bring…_

That Saturday, you went down to the village with, not your housemates, but your crew; or at least the people who wanted to be part of the crew. Some of these consisted of those who didn't make it into the show. Professor Snape had shot you an approving look on his way out of the castle… because you were the only authority figure involved with the show who could be bribed.

So, while your new 'friends' started buying chocolates and other treats from Honeydukes—which you fully intended to split with the cast during the next rehearsal—you made your way to Tomes and Scrolls, the bookshop. Rita Skeeter was hanging around. You saw her pounce on Leanne, trying to get an interview.

"Oi!" you shouted at Ms. Skeeter. She looked up.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"The stage manager," you said through gritted teeth. "Kindly leave my cast members alone. If you want interviews with anyone, go through Professor Dumbledore. He's the producer, and is handling the advertising side of things at the moment."

"Oh, we don't have to let him know," Skeeter said, trying to be cajoling. You weren't having that. "What Dumbledore doesn't know…"

"I will have _you _know, Ms. Scooter," she scowled, "that I have been authorised to defend my cast and crew from the press by any means necessary, and that includes hexing their annoying, reporter behinds _out_ of Hogsmeade!" Everyone was listening, but you stood strong, giving her an equally fierce glare in return, refusing to back down.

"I find that hard to believe," she said, and she sniffed delicately.

"I'll swear it before the Wizengamot." You maintained eye contact. Finally, she turned, and Apparated away. You slumped in relief, and hurried into the book store to hide from the sudden applause on the street. Good thing she hadn't realised that it was a bluff. But you would have to let Professor Dumbledore know right away.

There where whispers behind one of the bookshelves. Was it another member of the press? You crept closer, and tried to peek between the books.

"If he finds us…"

"Can you really see Sirius Black coming into a bookshop voluntarily?"

"If he suspected that we were hiding here…"

"_Trust_ me, Hermione," Professor Snape pleaded. You could see him holding her hands, and then it hit you. The leading lady and the director were secretly meeting. Why?

"I _do_ trust you, Severus." You gaped. "It's him I don't trust. If only he didn't have the right connections at the Ministry, I wouldn't let him come onto me so much. I think he wants to… you know… with me."

The professor drew in a breath through his teeth. "I won't let him, my love. I'll duel him before I allow that."

"You'd duel him for me?" she asked. The sappy, lovesick look on her face, directed at _Professor Snape_, was too much. Biting back a choking noise, you darted out of the shop. Now was an excellent time for a drink.

"Look what I bought for you!" several people cried, hurrying over, armed with bags from Honeydukes. You nodded indulgently.

"I'm just going to The Three Broomsticks," you said, and you started heading towards the pub. Once in there, you looked around, and saw two of the cast members sitting in a corner, drinking butterbeer and holding hands. It was Luna and Blaise, and it looked like they were getting friendly. You needed a drink even more.

A butterbeer was shoved into your hand, and you sculled the entire thing. Another was pressed upon you, and you finished that quick smart, too. But the cloying atmosphere, with showbiz hopefuls gathering, was making your head pound. They promised to send the bags of sweets to your dormitory, and you decided to go straight to the headmaster, and warn him of Rita Skeeter's presence.

You were walking towards the castle when you heard a moan. Fearing that one of the cast members was in trouble, you ran in the direction of the noise.

Seconds later, you were once again heading to the castle, incredibly embarrassed. Oh, Harry Potter _definitely_ wasn't in trouble.

Though you couldn't help wondering if Draco Malfoy was just snogging him to try and get into the show. If so, that idea had to be squashed. And soon.

Sod the headmaster. When you got back to school, you were going straight to Madame Pomfrey for a headache potion.

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Just because all these intricacies of plot are weighing on our poor SM. But ha! to Rita Skeeter. She's a wench, and not in a good way.

**Thank you once again to alannalove1990 for the idea to do something along the lines of **_**Moulin Rouge**_** (the movie) for the love triangle.**

**And so it starts… or continues. **

**The title for the chapter is taking from the song "It's a Scandal! It's a Outrage!" from **_**Oklahoma**_**.**


	10. The Third Rehearsal

"The Third Rehearsal"

_You were walking towards the castle when you heard a moan. Fearing that one of the cast members was in trouble, you ran in the direction of the noise._

_Seconds later, you were once again heading to the castle, incredibly embarrassed. Oh, Harry Potter definitely wasn't in trouble._

_Though you couldn't help wondering if Draco Malfoy was just snogging him to try and get into the show. If so, that idea had to be squashed. And soon._

_Sod the headmaster. When you got back to school, you were going straight to Madame Pomfrey for a headache potion._

When you woke up that Sunday morning, you'd had no idea how the day would go. You had spoken to Professor Dumbledore the previous afternoon about Rita Skeeter's presence in Hogsmeade, and her antagonising of the cast members. The headmaster/producer, however, simply dismissed you with some pithy remark about how 'there's no such thing as bad advertising'.

"We'll see about that," you muttered during breakfast. A few nearby students looked at you strangely, but you ignored them. You had more things to worry about.

"_Prophet_'s here!" someone called as the post arrived. The owl unceremoniously dropped your newspaper, knocking over your pumpkin juice. You pulled the periodical out of the way, and cast two Cleaning Charms. To your complete and utter relief, there was nothing scandalous about the show… yet.

It was now the third rehearsal. Luna and Blaise were canoodling in the corner, and several people were looking on jealously. Professor Snape, who would ordinarily roll his eyes, was instead more than somewhat distracted by Hermione, who was talking to Harry; well, arguing, more like. You crept closer to hear what was going on.

"He's just using you, Harry."

"Draco _cares_ about me, Hermione. I don't care what you, or anyone else, says." The-Boy-Who-Lived was glaring at his friend. "Don't tell me Ron isn't sniffing around you, trying to get involved."

"Of course he isn't! He's the lighting designer now."

Well, that was true. You had taken pity on the redhead, and used his surprisingly good eye for colours to your advantage. Thanks to his father's obsession with all things Muggle, he was also getting to be a dab hand at electronics, and was showing promise.

"Look, I'm seeing Draco, and that's it. You're just jealous because you're still single."

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, and you could swear her eyes were tearing up. A flash of black out of the corner of your eye caught your attention, and you could see Professor Snape stalking over. Knowing that you had to avert disaster, you strode up to him, blocking his path.

"There you are, Professor. Now, I'm sure you disagree with Professor Dumbledore, don't you, sir?" He scowled down at you. "You know, about the bad publicity that might have come from certain things in Hogsmeade?"

Bless his beautiful brain power. His eyes widened in understanding, brief though it was.

"It depends upon the headmaster's point-of-view in relation to that," he said.

"Well, he said that…"

"Hermione!" someone shouted, banging into the room.

Sirius Black. Terrific. And Professor Snape looked ready to blow a fuse.

"Mr. Black," you said, still in damage-control mode, "you are actively disrupting a rehearsal…"

"I'm here to see Hermione," he said. Everyone in the room had gone silent, and they were all listening intently.

"And she's here for rehearsal. I'm sure that, if you want to make an appointment with our leading lady, you can owl her. Meanwhile, please leave."

"I'm here now," Professor McGonagall said, arriving in the nick of time. She shot the ex-convict a funny look. "Sirius, what _are_ you doing here? Now go away. We're having a rehearsal. We haven't got as many as we should before the show is to be performed, and they need all the practise they can get." She made a shooing motion, and he stalked off, giving Hermione one last dark, penetrating look. You heard her draw a shaky breath, and turned to see her shivering. She looked at Professor Snape.

"So," you said, breaking the tension. "You and Draco Malfoy, eh, Harry?"

"What's this?" several people asked—or variations on that—and the professors had to call for silence.

The Chosen One just glared at you.

"From the top of act two," Professor Snape whispered menacingly. Everyone went to their places. "Mr. Zabini, centre stage, women's chorus surrounding him. Miss Granger," here, he smiled indulgently, "wait for your cue."

"Yes, Se… uh, Professor." She smiled back sweetly, and everyone gave them very strange looks. Had it been a more likely couple, they would have realised what the saccharine glances meant. As it was, you were clearly the only person aware of what was going on.

Professor McGonagall started to play, and the chorus began to sing. After their first verse, Hermione came onto the stage, sweeping straight over to Blaise, and kneeling by him to sing.

"_Dear father, why leave your bed_

_At this, the witching hour,_

_When happy daylight is dead,_

_And darksome dangers lower?_

_See, Artemis lights her lamp,_

_The midnight hour is past,_

_The chilly night air is damp,_

_And the dews are falling fast!_

_Dear father, why leave your bed_

_When happy daylight is dead?_"

"Well done, Miss Granger," Professor Snape said when Professor McGonagall stopped playing. "Very well done indeed." He grimaced at Owen, who was playing Hermione's love interest, and the boy cowered. "Well? Are you waiting for an invitation, Cauldwell? Get onstage!"

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He's not being very subtle, is he? Well, this is my birthday treat, and I've been doing assessment, so don't lynch me if you think this chapter not very good. I know we haven't actually seen much of Ron at all, but I'm sure he'll join in later. I've just never liked him much, and don't want him spoiling Gilbert and Sullivan… uh, or should I say Gryffindor and Slytherin?

**Changed some of the words of Mabel's verse, I know. Only a few of them. I chose Artemis to replace 'heaven', because she's one of the goddesses of light.**

**Review, please!**


	11. The Understudies Rehearse

"The Understudies Rehearse"

_Professor McGonagall started to play, and the chorus began to sing. After their first verse, Hermione came onto the stage, sweeping straight over to Blaise, and kneeling by him to sing._

"_Well done, Miss Granger," Professor Snape said when Professor McGonagall stopped playing. "Very well done indeed." He grimaced at Owen, who was playing Hermione's love interest, and the boy cowered. "Well? Are you waiting for an invitation, Cauldwell? Get onstage!"_

It was the fifth rehearsal, strictly for the understudies to rehearse, so the chorus and the main cast were given the evening off. Professor Snape was in a bad mood, and only you knew the real reason. Without Hermione there, of course he was going to be miserable, not that there should have been an 'of course' about it.

But you sure as heck were feeling sorry for Rose Zeller, the understudy for Maybelle.

"From Maybelle's entrance now," the director instructed. The female chorus and Harry Potter, the understudy for Ferdinand, stayed where they were onstage, while Rose readied herself from 'backstage'. "Minerva, give her the cue." Professor McGonagall struck a chord, and Rose made her entrance.

"_Yes, one!_"

"_`Tis Maybelle!_" the chorus echoed.

"_Yes, `tis Maybelle!_"

"Miss Zeller!" Professor Snape bellowed. "You _must_ improve upon that cadenza if you wish to do even an eighth of the justice Hermione does to it."

"Hermione?" Professor McGonagall murmured, and he glared at her.

"It's true," he said, and he turned back to Rose. "Practise." He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I suppose we should continue."

Rose nodded nervously, and continued to sing. When she reached her aria, you cleared your throat to stop the director from glaring at her. He glanced down at you, and sat, slumping beside you, legs stretched out and arms crossed.

"I think she was leading an independent rehearsal in the Room of Requirement this evening," you murmured to him. "Even if Sirius Black is there, he won't be able to harass her in front of all those people."

"I don't know what you mean," he replied. "Now be quiet."

"_Poor wandering one!_

_Though thou hast surely strayed,_

_Charm turtledoves,_

_This will spell love,_

_Poor wandering one!_" She shot birds out of her wand on cue, but they faded quickly, and Professor Snape grunted.

"You'll have to practise that with Professor Flitwick," he remarked. "Resume playing, Minerva." She gave Rose two bars' introduction.

"_Poor wandering one!_

_If such poor love as mine_

_Can help thee brew_

_True peace for you—_

_Why, take it, it is thine!_"

While the chorus and Rose continued to sing, you could hear Professor Snape occasionally mutter something about Hermione.

"I saw you both in Hogsmeade," you murmured to him. "Last weekend." He stiffened. "Your secret is safe with me, but you've got to be more subtle. And stop comparing the understudies to their leads. There's only going to be one performance."

"Fine," he said quietly, his voice tight.

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I am sososososososo sorry for not having updated in ages! *Bows head in utter shame* I have no excuses, other than lack of energy, both creative, mental, and physical, which is a pretty poor excuse, let me tell you.

***Sniffs***

**So I'm sorry. Only four people are following this; I know. Kind of depressing, really. But thank you for your support anyway!**

**By the way, the reason I'm forcing myself to do this to cheer myself up. We're watching the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" at the moment, and people are getting SHOT! Gaaaaah! And, while I'm writing this, Cristina is about to operate on Derek.**

**Okay. I've now edited, and Richard is confronting the gunman, and I've got tears staining my cheeks from all the deaths.**

**A cadenza, for those who don't know, is a long series of notes, all sung on the one breath as a rule, and on the one syllable.**


	12. The Inquiries

"The Inquiries"

_While the chorus and Rose continued to sing, you could hear Professor Snape occasionally mutter something about Hermione._

"_I saw you both in Hogsmeade," you murmured to him. "Last weekend." He stiffened. "Your secret is safe with me, but you've got to be more subtle. And stop comparing the understudies to their leads. There's only going to be one performance."_

"_Fine," he said quietly, his voice tight._

Despite your warnings, Professor Snape continued to be indiscreet. Sirius certainly wasn't subtle in his pursuit of Hermione either, who was half-heartedly trying to call off his attentions, to no avail. Thus, when this unusual threesome—a word bandied about far too often in the corridors, leading to massive points lost and large numbers of detentions, not to mention numerous duels—was outed by Rita Skeeter, who got her information from a still-bitter Draco Malfoy… well, the inquisition was called in.

This was led by that toad, the former Professor Umbridge. In all her pinkness, she strode into the Great Hall and announced that she would be leading an investigation into the activities surrounding the musical, and the student-teacher relationship.

Well, no one was going to threaten your musical and get away with it!

It was then that you vowed to do everything in your power to get this mess sorted out… using any means necessary.

_To our favourite SM:_

_We would be happy to help you in this matter. Gin's told us about your support, and we still owe Umbridge. You can count on us._

_Gred and Forge._

You spoke with Peeves, and he was eager to help, particularly with the Weasley twins on side as well. However, bad things are inevitable, and it wasn't long until you were called to the headmaster's office to speak with Umbridge. Fortunately, you had a plan by now.

"Hi," you said sulkily, slumping in the chair.

"Before we begin, you must take some Truth Serum," she said without preamble, pushing a vial of potion towards you. You looked at it, incredulous.

"Wha… that's completely unethical! Do you have a right to do this, or is the Ministry of Magic as corrupt as always?"

"You would do well to watch your tone with me," she said, her high-pitched voice holding a note of threat.

"And what if I refuse? Did Professor Dumbledore give you permission? And where _is_ the headmaster?"

"The Minister," she replied, "insisted that I have this office to myself for the interviews."

"He can't do that!"

"Ah, but he did. And now drink this, if you please."

"If you… no." You picked up the vial, and threw it against a wall. "You should be able to trust that I will tell the truth. Now ask your questions."

Umbridge looked like she _really_ wanted to hex your head off, but you continued to give her a penetrating stare, and she finally sat back.

"Very well," she said, shuffling papers, "we will begin. When did you first become aware of the illicit relationship between…"

"That's a leading question, and you know it," you snapped. "I'm leaving."

Fortunately, hearing about Harry Potter's experiences with the Pink-Clad Demon, you turned from the door in time to deflect a curse. Wrenching the door handle open, you pelted down the stairs, and led a chase. You wondered if Umbridge would follow; and she did.

You knew she wouldn't be able to resist interviewing the stage manager, the secret keeper of the show. And she was willing to go to extreme lengths.

"Now!" you shouted, and Peeves appeared.

There was great confusion at St. Mungo's over Umbridge's condition, as _The Daily Prophet_ later reported. Fortunately, the scandal over the side effects of everything that had happened to her kept the public's interest for quite some time, and the show could go on rehearsing.

After all, it's not every day that a person clad in pink resembles an Oompa-Loompa from _Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory_, and is constantly spouting her _real _opinions of everyone she meets. Nor do they generally have a scrolling sign on their back telling all of their deepest secrets, even after they've been tried for treason, embezzlement, and numerous other offences.

Really, the inquisition had led to something quite good for once, and you were determined to enjoy this for as long as possible.

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About time Umbridge got what was coming to her… in this story, anyway. Obviously, she gets her comeuppance in other stories as well. As to her injuries, they included several fireworks making their way into various parts of her anatomy, causing the effects mentioned above.

**I know. I wasn't sure what to do for this chapter, and it led to this. Probably not that great, but I want to get to the performance, and have to get through other things first. Also, I didn't want bad things to happen to Hermione and Professor Snape.**

**We're more than halfway through the story now, so that's good.**

**Review, please!**


	13. The Love Stories Continue

"The Love Stories Continued"

_There was great confusion at St. Mungo's over Umbridge's condition, as The Daily Prophet later reported. Fortunately, the scandal over the side effects of everything that had happened to her kept the public's interest for quite some time, and the show could go on rehearsing._

_After all, it's not every day that a person clad in pink resembles an Oompa-Loompa from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, and is constantly spouting her real opinions of everyone she meets. Nor do they generally have a scrolling sign on their back telling all of their deepest secrets, even after they've been tried for treason, embezzlement, and numerous other offences._

_Really, the inquisition had led to something quite good for once, and you were determined to enjoy this for as long as possible._

After pulling such a dirty trick with the press, you wondered how the relationship between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy would now be. Would the blonde persist in his pursuit of getting involved with the show? Well, if he approached you, he'd have another thing coming if he thought you'd allow him onto your crew. And Professor Snape sure as heck wouldn't be willing to cut him any slack after what he had done.

The newest 'super couple' at Hogwarts was Luna and Blaise, which fortunately took the pressure off the love triangle happening not so behind-the-scenes now. You had asked Professor Dumbledore if you could ban Mr. Black from attending rehearsals, as he appeared to be harassing Hermione. At least, it looked like that to you. And as Stage Manager…

"What I say, goes," you said out loud, walking along to Transfiguration. Several people gave you strange looks, but you just glared back, channelling Professor Snape as you did so. In fact, those who received your scowl shivered, shuddered, and shook.

Ha! you thought, a spring making its way into your step.

You could hear low, but angry, voices from nearby, and hurried when you recognised them.

"Are you encouraged him?" Mr. Black asked.

"O-of course not," Hermione replied. "He's my professor. It's just that I'm so young… and you're Harry's godfather… and I'm so…"

"Gorgeous," he said, his voice breathy as he stroked her cheek. You raised your eyebrows, and your hand moved towards your wand, ready to defend her honour should the need arise.

"Innocent, I was going to say."

"It matters not, my dear." He chuckled lowly. The sound bordered on sinister. "Just remember that I have promised you a high position at the Ministry. With my connections, you could have any. Career. You." He bent towards her ear. "Desired." You barely heard the last word. "You know what you owe me if I pull those strings. For no matter how many NEWTs you earn, it would take you many years to get anywhere near where you want to be. You _do_ want a high position, do you not?"

"Y-yes, of course. You know that, Sirius."

"Indeed," he whispered, and he moved back. "Indeed. I shall see you later, my dear?"

Hermione nodded, and Mr. Black all but melted into the shadows. The warning bell for the next class rang then, and you both hurried to class.

Well, now you knew the hold Sirius Black held over your leading lady. You just wondered how anyone could want a job so badly. Had he somehow persuaded her that she would have problems getting a position otherwise?

And just what _had_ she promised him?

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There's the closest parallel I can get to "Moulin Rouge" for alannalove1990, I'm afraid. I have ideas for a happier ending than that in the movie, you may be certain of that, dear ones. No dying of consumption in this story. Nope, nope, nope!

**Please review! Only seven chapters left after this, and I want to get them written before the holidays are over.**


	14. The Seventh Rehearsal

"The Seventh Rehearsal"

_Hermione nodded, and Mr. Black all but melted into the shadows. The warning bell for the next class rang then, and you both hurried to class._

_Well, now you knew the hold Sirius Black held over your leading lady. You just wondered how anyone could want a job so badly. Had he somehow persuaded her that she would have problems getting a position otherwise?_

_And just what had she promised him?_

Should you tell Professor Snape? That was one of the many conflicting thoughts running through your mind as you sat there, SM's script on your lap, Self-Inking Quill in hand, and not paying the slightest bit of attention to the rehearsal. It took a particularly loud chord from Professor McGonagall's piano to startle you out of your reverie.

"I'm paying attention."

"Good," Professor Snape said tersely.

So you started to pay attention.

The Harpy Queen, Rowena, and Ferdinand were about to sing their first trio. Leanne and Luna drew their wands, either side of Owen, pointing them at his ears. Then he gave Leanne her cue, and she sang.

"_When you had left our harpy fold_

_We tried to raise our spirits faint,_

_According to our customs old,_

_With tales and riddles quaint._

_But all in vain the tales we heard,_

_We lay and sobbed upon the rocks,_

_Until to somebody occurred_

_A shocking paradox_."

After the month or so of rehearsals with Professor Snape, the cast had really learned to be prepared, and to be perfect. So Owen chimed in, followed by Luna, and then Leanne again.

"_A paradox_?"

"_A paradox_!"

"_A most ingenious paradox!_

_We've tales and riddles heard in flocks,_

_But none to beat this paradox_!"

She laughed on cue, before Luna continued.

"_We knew your taste for curious things,_

_For tales and contradictions queer,_

_And with the wind upon our wings,_

_We wished you there to hear._

_We said, 'If we could tell it him,_

_How Ferdy would the joke enjoy!'_

_And so we've risked both life and limb_

_To tell it to our boy_."

Owen: "_That paradox? That paradox_?"

Luna and Leanne: "_That most ingenious paradox!_

_We've tales and riddles heard in flocks,_

_But none to beat that paradox!_"

While the song continued, you caught up on your notes with Hermione's help, borrowing the script she surreptitiously slipped to you. At least if you got in trouble with Professor Snape, it wouldn't be too bad, since it was his secret girlfriend who was helping you.

Well, not so secret anymore, of course.

You really had to pay attention.

Professor Snape sat down beside you again, and once you had finished copying from Hermione's comprehensive notes, you returned her script, and awaited further instructions from the director. Fortunately, he soon called the scene to a halt, and everyone took a five-minute break. You used the time to speak with Professor McGonagall and Dennis Creevey, who was the sound designer. An outside orchestra would be brought in before the dress rehearsal to go through the operetta with both casts, and you needed to discuss many music-related issues.

After the rehearsal, you pulled Professor Snape aside briefly.

"Sir? Do you know why Hermione is doing… whatever she's doing… for Sirius Black?" you asked.

"She wants a high-flying job in the Ministry," he said, and he sighed, nodding. "I know."

"And just what has she promised him in return?"

"Gods, I hate to think." He looked at you curiously. "Why do you care?"

"She's the leading lady in _The Harpies of Hogsmeade_. And she leant me her script. Plus, she's a war heroine, and the smartest witch of her age. Smartest student in the school. She should be able to get a top job on her own merits."

"I see," he said. "Thank you. So… I have your support?"

"Both of you have, sir."

"Good… Yes. Good."

**

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**

Aw, this is bordering on fluff, without the whole romantic interaction. We'll try to work in some more stuff happening between Professor Snape and Hermione, and between Blaise and Luna, and get back to Harry and Draco, too.

**Really. Promise!**

**Review, please!**


	15. The Advertising Begins

"The Advertising Begins"

"_And just what has she promised him in return?"_

"_Gods, I hate to think." He looked at you curiously. "Why do you care?"_

"_She's the leading lady in The Harpies of Hogsmeade. And she leant me her script. Plus, she's a war heroine, and the smartest witch of her age. Smartest student in the school. She should be able to get a top job on her own merits."_

"_I see," he said. "Thank you. So… I have your support?"_

"_Both of you have, sir."_

"_Good… Yes. Good."_

You had arranged a photo shoot with Colin Creevey for the cast, and even for the understudies. The chorus also had a few group shots taken, as did the crew. In fact, everyone was photographed, including yourself, the director, the musical director, and the producer. Everyone actively involved in the show. The headshots were for the programmes, the group shots for mementos, and the rest for advertising. Flyers, posters, ads in _The Daily Prophet_.

The time for the performance was drawing near. You'd heard about Draco's attempts to apologise to Harry for having used him, and for going to the press and almost sabotaging the show. In fact, you'd even witnessed some of the over-the-top methods he had tried, and you had to admit one thing: the kid had style.

In need of someone to help with the advertising, you decided to taken pity, and asked for his assistance. Merlin, the way his face lit up, you'd think you had just told him that he had been made the youngest Minister for Magic. He couldn't sing, act, or dance; knowing this, you realised that he really had come to care for The Chosen One. And, since everyone deserved a second chance, you allowed him to take over the advertising campaign.

"Thanks for this opportunity," he said a few days later, while you looked over his plans, and his designs for the posters and flyers. He'd also written out some sample advertisements to go into the _Prophet_. He'd even rustled up some old programmes from past performances at the Sphere Theatre, a playhouse that used to be near Diagon Alley, until it had burnt down. Plans to rebuild had yet to go through, though you'd heard something on the grapevine…

"These look perfect," you said. "I'll get copies of the posters made, and talk to Professor Dumbledore about flyer distribution. Keep the plans with you, and just let me know how you progress. Good luck with Harry, by the way. And… I mean it."

Draco was almost skipping away, and you shook your head, before heading for the producer's… sorry, the headmaster's office. You'd talk to Colin later about getting a mugshot of Draco, as you'd now be including him in the programme as advertising manager, or some similar title.

On the way, you rounded a corner, nearly running into Luna, who was being chased.

"Hide me from him!" she shrieked, darting behind a column with a laugh. You could hear Blaise's laughter coming nearer.

"Considering how much time you spend together, I'm not surprised you want to get away for a bit."

"Ah! He's coming!" And she ran off, still giggling.

"See you next rehearsal!" the Italian called as he ran past, following his girlfriend at a pace slower than you knew he could go.

"Um… okay!" You resumed your trek to the headmaster's office, shoving the old programmes and the posters into your book bag as you went. Good thing you had this period free, and that it was also a Friday. Last day of the week. Wasn't that just the most wonderful thing?

**

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**

Dress rehearsal next chapter! *Gapes* My, time seems to have sped by, without having actually gone that quickly. And we're 75% of the way through the story now, so congratulations on having made it this far.

**Pleeeeease review, my dear readers! It makes me happy.**


	16. The Dress Rehearsal

"The Dress Rehearsal"

"_Considering how much time you spend together, I'm not surprised you want to get away for a bit."_

"_Ah! He's coming!" And she ran off, still giggling._

"_See you next rehearsal!" the Italian called as he ran past, following his girlfriend at a pace slower than you knew he could go._

"_Um… okay!" You resumed your trek to the headmaster's office, shoving the old programmes and the posters into your book bag as you went. Good thing you had this period free, and that it was also a Friday. Last day of the week. Wasn't that just the most wonderful thing?_

Tomorrow was the 'tech' day, which meant that most of the students would be assisting with set construction and the like, and many scenes would be rehearsed, some over and over. It was the day when everything would have to be made perfect. But this evening was the dress rehearsal, and you were nervous. Yes, you'd been through this before; but with everyone in full costume and make-up, and with a real audience, there was a dangerous buzz in the air.

Dangerous, because this was no amateur Muggle production, but a show being put on by under-aged witches and wizards.

You were busy backstage; just about ready to pull your hair out, in point of fact.

"Cue follow spot!" you hissed as you pressed a button on the Muggle equipment that had been magically adapted. A spotlight appeared on Owen as he sang as Ferdinand.

"_Oh is there not one witch `round here_

_Who's ghastly face and strangely hair-style_

_Can lend a sympathetic ear_

_And cease all feelings very hostile?_"

You snorted, keeping an eye on the stage, and following your script at the same time. The light followed Ferdinand as he walked around the stage, serenading Stanthorpe's daughters; except for Maybelle, who had yet to make her appearance. Professor Snape had ordered a soft pink light for her entrance.

Yep. He definitely was _not_ being subtle.

There seemed to be no problems with sound. The orchestra was blending reasonably well with the singers; not that you would know. But Professor McGonagall—from what little you could see of her—seemed not to have blown her top yet, so there was hope.

"_They're harpies, Papa! The famous Harpies of Hogsmeade._"

"_Oh, yes. I've often heard of them_."

Later on, after much cursing on your part (verbally, not literally)…

"…_When you said 'orphan', did you mean 'orphan: a person who has lost his parents', or 'often: frequently'?_"

"_Ah! I beg pardon. I see what you mean. 'Frequently'._"

"_Ah! You said often – frequently._"

"_No, only once_."

"_Exactly. You said often, frequently, only once_."

"And the wands are drawn," you said quietly, your own wand at the ready to cast a Shielding Charm in case one of the harpies should accidentally open fire on Stanthorpe.

Finally, the end of act one arrived, the curtain came down. The cast relaxed, and hurried backstage so that they could have a ten-minute break. On the night, there would be a twenty minute interval; but this rehearsal was like a warm-up. There was much applause, and you awaited notes from Professors Snape and McGonagall, who had promised to come and see you between acts to give any further instructions needed.

You waited… and waited. Finally, a message was sent to you through Dennis Creevey.

"The professors aren't coming, because they say that everything's fine so far, and any notes they have aren't relevant to the second act," he reported. He didn't even wait around for you to thank him before he hurried off, presumably to get back to his seat in time for the second act to begin.

Apart from a few missed words in the dialogue, and a couple of times when the singers seemed to be speeding up, nothing really went wrong. You were nervous—in fact, everyone was—when the battle at the end arrived. The rest of the crew—now having very little to do until the curtain call—were stationed both backstage left and backstage right, and even behind the set, ready to cast shields. After all, this involved spells (i.e. coloured sparks) being fired.

It wasn't until the end of curtain call that it struck you.

Nothing bad had happened.

This did not bode well.

**

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**

You see, it's usually the case where, if you have a perfect run-through, the next time will be… well, not as good. In fact, that's when the most mistakes happen. There's also the 'first night' and 'last night' syndromes to consider.

**At least there'll be more than one run-through on tech day, which is in the next chapter. Sorry it's taken so long to update this, but I feel kind of bad about… well, 'mutilating' Gilbert and Sullivan's works like this. Course, it's all for fun, and I'm sure they'd find it hilarious. Mum certainly does.**

**Review, please! And check out, if you haven't already, the one-shot "Stay Your Hand!", which is the story of how Hermione and Professor Snape confessed their love for each other, and thus started their relationship.**


	17. The Tech Day

"The Tech Day"

_Apart from a few missed words in the dialogue, and a couple of times when the singers seemed to be speeding up, nothing really went wrong. You were nervous—in fact, everyone was—when the battle at the end arrived. The rest of the crew—now having very little to do until the curtain call—were stationed both backstage left and backstage right, and even behind the set, ready to cast shields. After all, this involved spells (i.e. coloured sparks) being fired._

_It wasn't until the end of curtain call that it struck you._

_Nothing bad had happened._

_This did not bode well._

Madame Pomfrey was stationed, not in the hospital wing, but in the middle of the Great Hall. She had set up a sort of first aid table, with various potions to relieve headaches, among other things. And you had certainly consumed two of those so far.

Three hours in, and scenes from act one were still being re-rehearsed. Potions for tired throats were being provided periodically, though Professor McGonagall also insisted upon rests, particularly for Hermione and Owen, since they were both singing the highest parts, and Hermione's role was mostly singing, without about three lines of actual dialogue.

Blaise was going through his patter song again—arguably the most difficult number in the whole show, though at least he had chorus backing. The stress of the technical rehearsal, and the up-coming performance, not to mention the perfect dress rehearsal, was getting to him, and he was now having trouble with words he had known up until now.

You insisted that he have a Voice-Restorative Potion, and he gratefully chugged down a gobletful of the stuff. He had three gulps of water to wash it down and clear his throat, and then returned to the stage. He glanced at Luna, and her smile seemed to give him the confidence to start again:

"_I am the very model of a magical practitioner,_

_I've patented a wonderful shampoo and a conditioner._

_I know a witch in Scotland who can quote the fights historical,_

_To listen to her you would swear her statements were rhetorical._

_I'm very well acquainted with all matters astronomical,_

_I understand how things can be both serious and comical._

_About Transfiguration I am teeming with a lot of spells._

_For all my knowledge I am known throughout the valleys and the dells._"

The chorus:

"_For all his knowledge he is known throughout the valleys and the dells,_

_For all his knowledge he is known throughout the valleys and the dells,_

_For all his knowledge he is known throughout the valleys and the dell-a-dells._"

Mage-or-Sorcerer Stanthorpe (Blaise):

"_I'm very good at Arithmancy and use it to create charms,_

_I know the best defences when it comes to foes you must disarm._

_In short, in matters magical, I am no mere commissioner,_

_I am the very model of a magical practitioner._"

Chorus:

"_In short, in matters magical, he is no mere commissioner,_

_He is the very model of a magical practitioner_."

With this perfect rendition, they virtually flew through the second and third verses, the chorus ending with:

"_But still in matters magical, he is no mere commissioner,_

_He is the very model of a magical practitioner_."

"Cut!" Professor Snape shouted, and he slumped back in his chair. Everyone was silent. "Well done. Take thirty for afternoon tea. Anyone who's late returning will lose five points for their house."

With cheers, the cast and crew ran out of the Great Hall, leaving only the production team—Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and yourself—behind. Hermione lingered at the door, and you wordlessly pointed her out to the director. He hurried over to his girlfriend, and once they were gone, you turned to the others.

"Is the Minister coming?" you asked. They nodded. "Okay. That's not good."

"If he likes the show, it is," the headmaster said.

"Uh-huh. I, uh… I don't suppose we can arrange for Professor Hagrid to bring in some flying pigs?" The raised their eyebrows. "Oh, come on. The Minister _hates_ the arts! We all know that. Why do you think so much money goes to Quidditch?"

"We'll just have to put on the best performance that we can," Professor McGonagall said.

"And ply him with alcohol," you added blithely. The professors frowned. "Or, uh… not."

**

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**

A big thank you goes out to Mummy (aka Mother Dearest) for giving me the first line of the Mage-or-Sorcerer's song, helping to break the ice. I categorically refused to write two more verses for it. Do you know how difficult it was to come up with alternate lyrics for that particular patter song? "The Nightmare Song" from _**Iolanthe**_** would have been easier…**

**Ah well. Please review! Three more chapters to go!**


	18. The PreShow Talks

"The Pre-Show Talks"

"_Uh-huh. I, uh… I don't suppose we can arrange for Professor Hagrid to bring in some flying pigs?" The raised their eyebrows. "Oh, come on. The Minister hates the arts! We all know that. Why do you think so much money goes to Quidditch?"_

"_We'll just have to put on the best performance that we can," Professor McGonagall said._

"_And ply him with alcohol," you added blithely. The professors frowned. "Or, uh… not."_

Gods above, it was the night of the performance. The last run-through on tech day hadn't been perfect, thank Merlin. But the cast and crew were still experiencing pre-show jitters, which wasn't helping _your_ nerves, either. So Professor Snape summoned everyone around him the empty classroom which was acting as the Green Room. Some twit had spelled it to look green, forgetting that green rooms are rarely, if ever, actually green.

"If it is of any consolation," the director said, his gaze drifting around the room and connecting with each person, "I have every confidence that you shall all do a more than adequate job tonight. It would be foolish to tell you to do your best, when that is what you would do in any case. But I know your best. I have seen it. And I expect it." He opened the door, and spoke once more. "Not trying would be letting everyone down. And I'll deduct so many points that your progeny will be spending their lives trying to make up for it." He gave an evil grin, and winked at Hermione. "Break a leg, everyone."

After he left, Professor McGonagall immediately popped in, and decided to give her own inspirational talk.

"You have all worked hard, and done extremely well. If tonight is a success, Professor Dumbledore would like to put on another production next year. He was thinking of _Iolanthe_, as the Minister's wife loves fairies." She rolled her eyes. "So the fate of Hogwarts' future contribution to the arts lies in your hands, and your voices." Several members of the cast looked stricken, and she smiled kindly. "I have faith in you. Enjoy what you're doing. Just in case it's the last show ever performed here." The musical director looked sad for a few moments. But she seemed to force herself to cheer up. "You've all worked with the orchestra, and you communicate well. Just do what you did for the dress rehearsal, and give it your all."

Everyone was quiet after she left the room. Professor Dumbledore didn't turn up, which meant that it was left to you to get them ready.

"Right!" you shouted, getting their attention. "Draco here is going to hand out the programmes," he stepped forward, holding a cardboard box, "so that you can marvel at his design, and maybe feel a bit more confident in your own abilities. If nothing else, pretend that you're just part of the story, without the audience there. Don't muck about backstage. I don't want distractions. Don't talk backstage, only wait there if you're _supposed_ to be waiting there. Don't hang around for support. Don't peek out the curtain if at any stage it is closed. I'm your boss now, and what I say goes."

Draco began to hand out programmes. Feeling empowered, you flipped open your own copy, happy with your commanding presence, and went to read…

They spelt your name wrong! Again! It wasn't the most difficult name to remember, surely?

"Draco!" you hissed, holding it up. "Look at this."

"Oops," he said. "Sorry. Printer's fault. Hang on." He tapped your programme, and the name changed. You nodded. That was right. "Now it'll say the same thing on all of them. This, after all," he winked, "is the master programme."

"Good. Now shoo."

Ignoring everyone's chatter, you went to the Great Hall's backstage area, and took your place at the stage manager's desk. You spoke through the Muggle-like sound system that connected to the green room, backstage, and the lighting and sound box.

"Is everyone in position? Good? Then it's time to roll. Lights, please."

**

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**

Next chapter: excerpts of the show!

**Yes; I shall be rewriting more of **_**The Pirates of Penzance**_**, presumably for the last time. See you then!**

**Oh, and pleeeeeeeease review! No one's been reviewing. Not really.**


	19. The Harpies of Hogsmeade

"_The Harpies of Hogsmeade_"

_Ignoring everyone's chatter, you went to the Great Hall's backstage area, and took your place at the stage manager's desk. You spoke through the Muggle-like sound system that connected to the green room, backstage, and the lighting and sound box._

"_Is everyone in position? Good? Then it's time to roll. Lights, please."_

* * *

Rowena:

_When Ferdy was a little lad he was a little terror._

_Things would have turned out differently if I had made no error._

_His father sent us both away to get work in the village;_

_But I misheard, and thought he said to help some harpies pillage._

_A life quite strange, and what a change, though not so bad it may be._

_To help a friend, you may depend that we'll abduct a baby…_

* * *

The Harpy Queen:

_Oh, better far to live and die_

_Whether on land or in the sky,_

_Than go into high society_

_And with any level of piety._

_Away to the magic world with you,_

_Where many potions you will brew._

_But I'll be true to the same routine,_

_And live and die a Harpy Queen._

_For I am a Harpy Queen._

Chorus:

_You are!_

_Hurrah for our Harpy Queen!_

The Harpy Queen:

_And it doesn't make me a libertine_

_To be a Harpy Queen._

Chorus:  
_Hurrah!_

_Hurrah for our Harpy Queen!_

_Hurrah for our Harpy Queen!..._

* * *

Chorus:

_How beautifully warm the sky,_

_The hippogriffs are flying high._

_Continue fine it really should_

_For when we're strolling in the wood._

_Tomorrow we may come again,_

_Assuming that it doesn't rain._

_Yet people say, I know not why,_

_That everything should yet stay dry…_

* * *

Stanthorpe:

_I'm telling a terrible story,_

_To escape from a fate much too gory;_

_For they would have flown all my daughters_

_Over the billowy waters._

_If I hadn't imposed this restriction,_

_Declared it with so much conviction,_

_Then you'll find that it isn't vainglory_

_As a regular terrible story…_

* * *

After the interval, you gave the 'daughter' chorus, Hermione, and Blaise their cues to come backstage. Eventually, you heard applause as the conductor returned to his position before the orchestra. Once they were all settled, and the music for the second act started, you gave the crew their cues. The act continued, and you marvelled at how well everyone was doing. The first act was fine—only a couple of words of dialogue were mixed up or missed—and you hoped that the good luck continued.

Time would tell.

* * *

Chief Auror:

_When the Auror wields his wand,_

_Tarantara, tarantara!_

_Then the villain will respond,_

_Tarantara!_

_And we find the wisest move,_

_Tarantara, tarantara!_

_We should not need to improve,_

_Tarantara!_

_For when threatened with our foes,_

_Tarantara, tarantara!_

_Well, we all know how it goes,_

_Tarantara!_

_We shall give it all our best_

_`Til we can make an arrest,_

_`Til we can make an arrest._

All:

_Tarantara, tarantara-ra-ra-ra-ra, tarantara!..._

* * *

Maybelle:

_Stay, Ferdy, stay!_

_You never made a vow._

_They cannot harm you now,_

_This you must disallow._

_Stay, Ferdy, stay!_

Ferdinand:

_Nay, Maybelle, nay!_

_Tonight I leave behind_

_All those of wizard-kind._

_You see, I'm in a bind._

_I cannot stay…_

* * *

Chorus:

_A magical band of harpies we,_

_Who, tired of this dishonesty,_

_Are getting revenge with depravity_

_And with little levity…_

* * *

The final battle was a brilliant light display, and the audience oohed and aahed at the choreographed conglomeration of faked spells. The curtain dropped at the end, and the cast went backstage. You sent the three separate choruses back onto the stage, and the curtain was lifted again. One by one, the main cast members joined them for their bows.

And, not long after that, it was all over.

**

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**

Various rewritten excerpts. All songs, because I decided that it would be too awkward to rewrite dialogue and put it in, despite the fact that it probably would have been easier in the end. Ah well. I challenged myself, at any rate. Maybe I can get a job with Gerard Alessandrini, writing numbers for Forbidden Broadway?

**One more chapter to go, folks!**

**And puh-LEASE review!**


	20. The Finale of the Story

"The Finale of the Story"

_The final battle was a brilliant light display, and the audience oohed and aahed at the choreographed conglomeration of faked spells. The curtain dropped at the end, and the cast went backstage. You sent the three separate choruses back onto the stage, and the curtain was lifted again. One by one, the main cast members joined them for their bows._

_And, not long after that, it was all over._

You directed all the cast and crew go to the green room while the Great Hall was rearranged for the after party. Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall came to the room as well, and handed out congratulations. You left with them to go ahead to the party. Professor Snape hung back from entering, and you asked why.

"I'd rather enter with Hermione," he whispered. "Since she's the star of the show, and I'm the director. And… well, you know the other reason."

"I'll go and fetch her," you said, but you needn't have bothered. The cast and crew, impatient, had followed at a safe distance. It was simply a matter of encouraging them to come forward, and Hermione drifted to her professor's side. She took his arm, and you led everyone in. There was applause from all the audience members who were still there. The Minister and his wife were nodding approvingly at whatever the headmaster was saying to them.

"Hello," someone said. You turned, and saw a tall brunette with a wide smile. She held out a hand. "Minerva McGonagall told me that you were the SM?"

"That's right," you said. "Uh, can I help you?"

"I hope so." She held out a business card. "My name is Celia Equus, and I'm in charge of the restoration of the Sphere in Diagon Alley."

"Oh, so the old theatre _is_ being rebuilt?"

"Yes," she said, and she pulled you aside. "We expect it to be finished and open for business by the end of the school year. At that time, we would like to have a show ready for the _official_ opening, and a short holiday season, with room for an extended one."

The wheels turned in your mind. "And you want _The Harpies of Hogsmeade_, our production, to be performed there?"

"Exactly!" she said, grinning. "My partners," she pointed to a couple of men speaking with Professor McGonagall, "have agreed that this is just what we're looking for. More than that, if the public responds well, we would like to offer contracts to the cast—to all of you, in fact—for full-time jobs." Your jaw dropped, but Miss Equus just nodded. "It's a lot to think about, I know. And we'd need to see you all at work in a rehearsal setting. Oh, and I'm sorry to say this, but my partners," she rolled her eyes, as if to say 'men!', "would prefer a different Gryffindor and Slytherin operetta."

"I think you'll find that we can have another one ready by the end of the year," you said, smiling as you looked around. "Of course, you'll have to run it by Professor Dumbledore, but I'm sure he'll be fine with it. Tell him I give my approval, for what it's worth."

She nodded again. "I'll do that. Thank you. Keep the card. It's got both my owling and flooing addresses."

You thanked her again, and went to speak to Professor Snape, who was watching mournfully as Sirius talked to Hermione. Both men were looking at her intensely, one up-close, and one from afar.

"Tell me, sir," you said, and he grunted in reply, "do you think Hermione's got her heart set on show business? As opposed to the Ministry of Magic, that is."

"Yes," he said.

"Then I think we've got a solution to the Sirius Black problem."

That got his attention.

* * *

[_A couple of months later…_]

THE SPHERE THEATRE PLAYERS PRESENT

_HMS CLOAK_

By G. Gryffindor & S. Slytherin

Chorus:

_We sail the ocean green,_

_And our great big boat's a beauty;_

_We're loyal to our queen._

_(Let us tell you, she's a cutie!)_

_When the bells signal free_

_O'er the bright green sea,_

_We play with our wands all day;_

_When at anchor we sit_

_To the decks we'll flit._

_How else can we get to the cay?_

_Ahoy! Ahoy!..._

THE END… or is it THE BEGINNING?

**

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**

I hope you enjoyed my neat little musical fic. Yes, I threw myself into the story there. Literally. I thought, 'Why the heck not?'

**So I got to go to Hogwarts.**

**Woo hoo!**

**The name of the Sphere theatre comes from the Globe theatre. Did I mention that in an earlier chapter? Hmm. And a 'cay', according to my rhyming dictionary, is 'a low island of bank'.**

**Review, please!**


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